Saturday, March 13, 2010

A Corporate Finance Bestiary

is for Managing Director:
Crafty, elusive
Kowtows to clients; but to juniors abusive

Sleek and well-groomed, he
Swans about like a diva
Steal clients or credit?
He attacks with a cleaver

Pompous, self-loathing
His wife and kids hate him
Knows everything and everyone:
You can't educate him

* *

is for Vice President:
Long-suffering, put-on
Screwed by MDs and clients, otherwise no-one

Chubby, disheveled, he
Rues weekends spent downtown
And longs for the day he
Can call in from the Hamptons

Bossy, intrusive
Associates hate him
Lusts for the VP in Bond Sales
But she just won't date him

* *

is for Associate:
Feckless and eager
Thinks he's Felix Rohatyn but his skills are too meager

Hair-slicked, suspendered, he
Wanders the 3:00 am hallway
Boasting how little he's slept
Since a week ago Tuesday

Loud-mouthed, annoying
Hot young models despise him
No matter how many bottles
With which he plies them

* *

is for Financial Analyst:
Bitter, exhausted
Never fucks, sleeps, or earns as much as his boss did

Tousled, unshaven, he
hunches over a keyboard
While vacations and nights out
Flash past like waves on a seashore

Rueful, uncertain
He ponders his Faustian bargain:
"For two years of this shit
I skipped screwing my girlfriend?"

* * *

With apologies to Guillaume Apollinaire. And everyone else, for that matter.

© 2010 The Epicurean Dealmaker. All rights reserved.