Wednesday, September 5, 2007


I must say I am disappointed.

A few weeks ago, against the background of a steady stream of handbaskets carrying various and assorted market participants, credit ratings, and institutional balance sheets straight toward Old Beelzebub's Broiler, I decided to leave for a couple of weeks of relaxing R&R. The Dealmaker Family Unit had a lovely time, grilling the ancestral lutefisk over a cedarwood campfire, nailing the occasional squirrel to a knotty pine, and baying at the aurora borealis in Northern Manitoba. I can't be positive that the little Dealmakers truly remembered me after my habitual work-induced absence, but if not the Missus did a good job briefing them on how to pretend they recognized Dear Old Dad.

Unfortunately, when I returned to work this week I found that you people did not sort things out during my absence. The mainstream media, my fellow financial bloggists, and my trusty Bloomberg terminal are all still rabbiting on about the same old credit-contagion, market-crisis shite that consumed their attention three weeks ago. What's the matter? Weren't my instructions clear enough for you?

The current state of affairs in the markets reminds me of the old chestnut of the drunk who bumps into a lamp post. He thereupon begins walking in circles to try and avoid it. After he has collided with the same lamp post for the fourth time, he staggers to a halt and cries in frustration, "Help! They've fenced me in!"

I ask you: is that how you would like me to think of you, as a really bad, stale joke? I didn't think so. Snap out of it.

Fortunately, it seems that we did sort out at least one pressing issue of global significance while I was away: the background color to this blogsite. After extensive automated polling of the best and brightest the global financial markets have to offer—yes, you, Dear Readers—I have discovered that a substantial majority of those who voted prefer to keep this site as pure as the driven snow, color-wise, rather than the rather bilious lemon-lime yellow of yore. Some faithful partisans of The Early TED may rail at cruel and blind Fate, but the poll results are pretty clear:

Being a person who generally despises democracy as the last refuge of a scoundrel—unless you restrict the vote to free, land-owning males of a certain age, like the Athenians did—I was quite interested to see that this little exercise attracted 185 votes. Given the average number of feed subscribers over the period of the poll, that represents about 50% of the faithful TED-reading "electorate" who turned out to vote.

Now, if you paragons of civic virtue would only whip the markets back into some sort of shape, I might be able to get some of my deals back on track.

© 2007 The Epicurean Dealmaker. All rights reserved.