Thursday, July 12, 2007

Corrections & Amplifications

Some people seem to have felt I was a little harsh on Whole Foods CEO John Mackey the other day, when I lambasted him for goading the generally toothless Federal Trade Commission into trying to block Whole Foods' merger with fellow soymilk ice cream flogger Wild Oats Markets. Sure, what Mackey did—leaving a digital paper trail a mile wide boasting how the proposed merger would permanently remove Whole Foods' only credible competitor and relieve pricing pressure in its markets—was exactly analogous to Donald Rumsfeld walking through Sadr City alone at night wearing a t-shirt reading "Moqtada is a pork-eating pussy," but I admit I did not pull any punches.

Among other provocative adjectives, I variously called Mr. Mackey an idiot, a moron, a fool, and a doofus. Now, however, after reading the latest revelations of Mr. Mackey's extracurricular activities on the internet, I feel I owe you Dear Readers a clarification:

John Mackey is a putz.

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Note to Whole Foods' (absentee?) Board of Directors: As all sailors used to know, it is not wise to allow a loose cannon to carom about a ship in motion, as it tends to have rather destructive effects on those boat parts and human limbs with which it comes into contact. The best solution, if you cannot tie the cannon down, is to toss it overboard. Need I say more?

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