Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Affirmative Action


To: Joe Gregory

From: Dick Fuld

Re: The Latest Investment-Banking Bonus: A Life

Dear Joe -- What the $%@#!* is this?! I leave on a little ski vacation for a week, and Lehman Brothers goes to hell in a handbasket! I mean, jeez, we're the lead story in this $%@#!*ing abomination. I'll never live this down at the Maidstone Club.

"Encore?" What kind of a dumbass name for a program is that? I didn't even know we had a $%@#!*ing "Chief Diversity Officer." Did you hire her when I was out of town?

And you! I can only hope you were misquoted in this article. "We can be the best company only if we get and keep the best people." Since when is that? In my day, we didn't give a $%@#!* whether we kept any of those sniveling little Analysts and Associates in the Firm after we had used them up. And, the last time I looked, those were the only guys working 100 hours a week. Kleenex, I say. Why change over 30 years of industry practice just because some weenie in HR claims we need to boost our "diversity?"

I better get some answers, and quick. My Gulfstream leaves from Gstaad tomorrow morning at 10:00 am Swiss time. I expect you, this Anne Emi person, and every other $%@#!*ing Department Head in the Firm on a $%@#!*ing conference call to discuss this at 9:00 am Swiss time (3:00 am Eastern) so we can figure out how to extract ourselves from this $%@#!*pile.

Wake up my Assistant so she call plug me into the call, too.


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